"Love makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses. You build up this armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something like kiss you, or smile at you, and your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple "maybe we should just be friends" or "how perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-of-you-and rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not Love."
~ Rose Walker in The Sandman: The Kindly Ones

it still hasn't sunk in properly, probably because i'm trying very, very hard not to think about it too much. the key word here is trying. it is hard.

anyway i won't dwell on it. no point.

i don't miss school, you know. i really feel like dropping out, or changing to homeschooling, or - i don't know. it's just getting worse and worse and i'm so sick of everything. aih.

'are you happy now?' people have been asking.

well the answer to that is: yes. for now la. by next week it'll be a resounding no. :P

hello.

why does everyone think i'm happy all the time? it's so obvious i'm not. how many times have you seen me crying in school? how many times have you seen me crying in school and ignored me? how many times have you seen my smile disappear when i think no one's looking? i'm not asking for anything, here, just need you guys to stop labouring under the delusion that i can cater to all your whims, all the time.

this isn't about any specific person, and it wasn't brought on by any recent occurrence. i just need to get this out of my system. you have needs, you say? friends should be there for you when you need them? well, i have needs too, and mine are infinitely more important than any of yours.

fuck you all and your insignificant problems.

hi guys.

i thought about closing this blog, but then there's a lot of nostalgic nonsense here so i'll leave it up for now. haha. i apologise for all the reeeeeally short posts - haven't been in the writing mood for so damn long that i think i've forgotten how to write properly.

to all the people who supported me and mahcy in our efforts for BAMM!, never fear! we've not given up. things have just been quite crazy lately (well, for me la, i think mahcy just sleeps) so there hasn't been a lot of extra space in our minds for BAMM!. don't worry, though, we'll get to it as soon as possible. :)

thank you to everyone who's been cheering me up lately. you guys are the best hehe.

and to SU YIN WHO READS MY BLOG BUT DOES NOT COMMENT ANYWHERE, you're the awesomestestestEST cousin in the world! *sayangs you*

edit: oh, and, here's something to help you kill a bit of time.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good, bad, neutral, random, or whatever. When you've finished, post this paragraph on your blog and be surprised about what people remember.

comment, yeah? don't post it on the tagboard :)

edit number two:


Am-I-Dumb.com - Intelligence Test

ohhhh yeah. :P

today is some idiot's birthday, so happy birthday. haha.






it's khei qi's birthday btw :P